• Connected, but alone?

    Hi everyone,

    I haven't blogged in a long time. I often think about issues that keep coming up in my practice. I seem to be working so much that I don't have time to sit down to write about it. However, after listening to this Ted Talk by Sherry Turkle, I felt I had to post this so my followers would listen to this very important talk about the negative effects of substituting cell phone texting for human connection. When it comes to the single most talked about problems in a marriage, the lack of human contact through talking, touching, and gazing in each others eyes, which have been replaced by emails, texting, television and other tech and robotic substitutes is staggering, painful and harmful to the marriage. May I remind each couple every night, to put down your cell phones, turn off the television and the computer and just hang out and talk for 15 minutes each day. This alone can help to rejuvenate a marriage and m...
  • What Is A Healthy Marriage?

    This video discusses emotional responsiveness and how it is necessary to make you feel happy in a committed relationship. If your partner is not accessible, responsive, and engaged with you, then you might be missing the key ingredients that would make you feel happier in your marriage. I have been trained by Sue Johnson and use Emotionally Focused Therapy during my treatment with my couples. Please listen to her speak. Are you getting what you want in your marriage?

    When Your Child Walks in During Sex

    Hi Parents,

    Sex and affection is very important to keep a marriage healthy. One of the most often problems discussed in Couple Therapy is, " We don't have enough time to have sex in our daily hectic lives". This article presents another problem which we are often confronted with that we don't often discuss. Since we don't have much time to enjoy long uninterrupted sex, we might try to squeeze sex in when we can. What do we do when our children walk in on us during the sexual act? As the author discusses, affection should not be saved for just the bedroom. It is important to show your children, that healthy affection and sexuality should be the norm rather than being shielded from it, of course, age appropriate.
    Please read this interesting article and write me any comments that you may have. Till next time. You can always contact me through my website or email address.
    Beverly Zagofsky
    Couples Therapy ...
  • Getting Along With The In-Laws, Not easy, But Important

    I have found over the years of working with couples, in-laws have been a source of frustrations, hurt feelings, and bitter disagreements between partners. Usually, but not always, there are more problems associated with the wife and her husbands family, then the other way around. This is the first study that I have found, that gives an interesting explanation of why this occurs. It also gives guidelines that may help prospective new in-laws avoid these pit falls.

    Since we are coming into the holiday season, which provides lots of occassions to celebrate with family, realizing that in-laws should have boundaries, can make these get togethers that much more fun. All in-laws, but especially mother's of husbands, need to sometimes, zip their lip, when it comes to giving advice to their daughter in-law. Remember, they were o...

Is Divorce Good For Children? This article is an interesting overview of how Divorce affects children. It gives some interesting insight into some issues that a couple should consider before filing those divorce papers. I see couples all the time in conflict over the best thing to do about separating, when there are children involved. Although, this Author, recommends involving the children in making the decision about divorce, I do not advocate this position. Children are not mature enough at any age, nor do they know or should they know, the intimate details of what brought the couple to this crises in the first place. However, that being said, the Author makes some important points about the emotional states necessary for Partners to achieve a satisfying and happy marriage. If they don't develop these abilities to maintain a marriage, getting divorce will only begin a turnstile of serial unhappy relationships. If you find your self in this situation, Marriage Counseling can h...

Hi Couples out there, It is so sad that couples come to me in despair because they just don't feel that they are important to their partners. It seems that everything takes priority over their partners. I hear complaints of telephone conversations, computer games and facebook, TV, children, work, school, house work, the list is endless. I am hear to tell you that you need to put your partner first! That is right! FIRST! Put all other past times aside and focus in on your partner. Even if it is only for 15 minutes a day. Stare into each others eyes, listen closely, debrief, tell each other "You are the one". "You are important", "I am here for you. It doesn't take much time, and it will really make a difference. Try it and let me know. Everyone may need Marriage Therapy some time, it could make the difference between an ok relationship and a great relation. Reach me in Chester, New Jersey Regards, Beverl


I work with many couples where one partner is coming to see me to sort out whether he/she should leave or whether he/she should stay and work on their marriage. For some, it seems so much harder to stay in a marriage that they feel is emotionally empty and not fulfilling all of their needs. Staying is especially difficult, if they are already involved in an emotional or a physical affair at the same time that they are trying to make this decision. Nothing can compare to the excitement, newness and passion of a new relationship. The average affair lasts between 18 months and 2 years. After that, the same issues that made the affair partner feel tied down, unappreciated, misunderstood and stressed, tends to surface and the reality sets in. The problem becomes that much more complicated with more people involved, and more drama.
Here is an interesting article written by a woman about her experience with divorce. It gives you a realistic view of what happens to the...

As a Marriage Counselor, I am in the business of saving marriages. I work very hard to keep marriages together. I sometimes feel like the cheerleader, holding on to any victory that the distressed couple feels in my office. I believe that if they only worked harder, become less reactive, gave up their affair partner or many other reasons, that they can keep their marriage together. Studies have shown that five years after an affair, if the marriage can survive, the couple is happier than they had ever been before. However, during the time of deciding whether they should stay or whether they should go, it is often the most excruciating period for both partners. If you or your partner is on the fence and can't decide what to do in your marriage, this article might help you. This may be the last resort that you have to try, in order to save your marriage. I suggest reading the book "Should I stay or go? How controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage" by Lee Raffel. I hope that a...


In my practice of couples, I meet so many of you that are devastated because one of you has reconnected with a long lost love on Face book or some other site. There are so many ways now to meet people on line, whether it is in a Chat room, porno site, or social site. It may start out innocently thinking that there is no harm in just saying hello. However, since both of you are probably feeling alienated from each other, this changes quickly. It is easy to just go into a locked room in their home and open the computer. it is so much harder to speak to your spouse and tell each other what you are feeling. It is surprising how many spouses see their partner locked in an office in their home and let them stay there hours without interruption surfing the web. Don't let this happen to you! If your spouse is spending too much time alone on the internet, knock on that door and ask questions. Find out what is going on. Start talking about your relationship. Don't let an...

Having first hand experience on raising a daughter, I know the many challenges that can continuously arise. That is why, when I read something that is so funny, and yet true, it is nice to share it. This "prayer" was taken out of Tina Fey's new book Bossypants, 2011. Sounds like a fun book.

Have a great day, and remember that sometimes laughing is the best medicine. Also, keep in mind that you have a lot of support out there if you just ask for it.


The Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter
Tina Fey from her new book Bossypants, 2011

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer....

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