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Affairs: A Step-by- Step Approach for Recovery

By: Michelle Weiner-Davis

General thoughts on healing from infidelity
  • Affairs are bad for marriages
  • Universal rules don’t work very well
  • Healing takes time and it’s not a straight line
  • Spending time together helps
  • Balance between discussing the affair and putting it in the past is necessary
  • Don’t throw in the clinical towel

Tasks for the betrayed person
  • Express anger/rage/hurt
  • Ask for details if so desired
  • Ask for reassurances without accusing
  • Identify what might help and ask for it
  • Identify areas of marriage needing improvement
  • Learn how to thought-stop
  • Learn ways to get back on track
  • Forgive
  • Don’t mind read
  • Understand that letting go emotionally might take time for one’s partner

Tasks for the Unfaithful Person
  • End the affair
  • Show remorse
  • Demonstrate real empathy
  • Share details
  • Expect ups and downs
  • Be patient
  • Be willing to do what it takes to reassure one’s partner
  • Examine personal reasons the affair occurred
  • Identity areas of the marriage needing improvement
  • Commit to and promise change
  • Learn ways to get back on track
  • Forgive one’s self

EXCELLENT RESOURCES ON INFIDELITY FOR CLIENTS
Not Just Friends- by Shirley P. Glass
After the Affair- by Janis Abrahms Spring
Chapter on Infidelity in Divorce Remedy- by Michelle Weiner-Davis


LINKS TO POSTS WRITTEN BY MICHELE ON INFIDELITY

How to save Your Marriage During an Affair- video

State of Affairs-reaction to Esther Perel

Healing From Infidelity

Video on Infidelity

Reeling from Infidelity

Infidelity Leave

I Didn’t Mean to Have an Affair, It Just Happened

How Long Does It Take to Recover From an Affair-Video

How to Recover From an Affair

How to Heal from Infidelity

Questions and Answers about infidelity



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