By: Michelle Weiner-Davis
General thoughts on healing from infidelity
- Affairs are bad for marriages
- Universal rules don’t work very well
- Healing takes time and it’s not a straight line
- Spending time together helps
- Balance between discussing the affair and putting it in the past is necessary
- Don’t throw in the clinical towel
Tasks for the betrayed person
- Express anger/rage/hurt
- Ask for details if so desired
- Ask for reassurances without accusing
- Identify what might help and ask for it
- Identify areas of marriage needing improvement
- Learn how to thought-stop
- Learn ways to get back on track
- Forgive
- Don’t mind read
- Understand that letting go emotionally might take time for one’s partner
Tasks for the Unfaithful Person
- End the affair
- Show remorse
- Demonstrate real empathy
- Share details
- Expect ups and downs
- Be patient
- Be willing to do what it takes to reassure one’s partner
- Examine personal reasons the affair occurred
- Identity areas of the marriage needing improvement
- Commit to and promise change
- Learn ways to get back on track
- Forgive one’s self
EXCELLENT RESOURCES ON INFIDELITY FOR CLIENTS
Not Just Friends- by Shirley P. Glass
After the Affair- by Janis Abrahms Spring
Chapter on Infidelity in Divorce Remedy- by Michelle Weiner-Davis
LINKS TO POSTS WRITTEN BY MICHELE ON INFIDELITY
How to save Your Marriage During an Affair- video
State of Affairs-reaction to Esther Perel
I Didn’t Mean to Have an Affair, It Just Happened